I've made 3 decisions. One, I am done with high school for good. Two, I am leaving this state by September of this year. And three...I've decided that I'm a weirdo for posting shit on a website that I hardly pay attention to any more lol.
BUT back to the serious stuff...that is, if anything pertaining to my life can be considered serious =]
Really, I made these two decisions back in January, but wrecking my car kinda set me back and forced me to sit and think for a long time. Funny, but destroying my car and smashing my head repeatedly into a bunch of metal and concrete really did alot of good for me. My dad and I can actually have a conversation now...once in a while...but hey, it's a start. I guess it woke him up when I cussed him out one night and told him that I flipped my car because I wanted to die. Didn't mean to tell him that, but hell, alcohol sure seems to loosen the vocal cords on me. And besides discovering that my dad actually has a heart, I've actually put time towards study. Now, that time should be put towards finishing stupid high school I guess, but the more I discover about my life, the more I realize why school just isn't for me. Maybe I'll get my GED eventually. Randomly studying a few different sciences on my own is slowly filling the gap that I feel in my brain from wasting so many years in public schooling. Also, wrecking my car forced me to say I was quitting dealing...and actually stick to it. I rarely smoke marijuana any more. I have morphines, vicodin, and hydrocodone sitting in my possession that I haven't touched in over a month. I have a new phone and I kept my coke dealer's number--kind of just to test myself. I haven't quit drinking but I honestly don't know if I currently have the will in me for that yet.
WOW I am a really fuckin unorganized writer sometimes lol
Anyway...I'm leaving the state--and this country--either by August this year or by September. In one month, I'll have half of the money saved up that I'll need to fly to South Africa and study photography for a whole month. All together I'll need about 5 grand, and if I can't obtain that much in time, I decided to sell the car that I'll be getting this week. Everyone I've told so far keeps telling me I'm stupid for doing it, but it's something I've always wanted to do. And right now is probably the last time in my life that I won't have any strings attatched to keep me from just disappearing.